Lately I've been experiencing ETD (Emotional Technical Difficulties). This is primarily due to this "pause" in our second adoption journey and the lack of my patience. Larry and I met for lunch today and there happened to be a birthday party going on in the restaurant. I was already having a shaky morning and I was looking forward to being with Larry. But of all things, this party just HAD to be for a baby who looked to be under one years old. Like I said, other things had been going on that made the ETD more and more apparent, but this took the 'birthday' cake. The room was buzzing with about 25-30 new moms and their babies laughing and talking baby talk and, of course, comparing their baby's development with the development of the others. It took everything within me to hold back my tears. In my mind I was screaming, "I want MY baby to find his way home!!!" Hhhmm...I can usually handle days like these and take it in stride, but for some reason, today, I can't - or I should say, couldn't. So....what else was there to do but return to my office and buzz around blogspot to read about other families who have been where I am and know what it's like to wait without ANY knowledge of when or from where my baby will come. After reading many, many, many stories I had the need to go to..........WALMART! Why you ask? Well, let me tell you. While I was reading the other adoption blogs and stories of how other Forever Families came to be, I thought of my two precious babies that I already have. On one site, a mom excitedly uploaded videos of her kids, They were uh... screaming. Yes, screaming. I guess she just wanted to record 'something' using the Flip Camcorder she had just purchased. The camcorder was amazing! So amazing I went and bought one! It's the size of my hand, can record up to 60 minutes and has a pop-out USB port so it connects right to my computer. It runs on recharable AA batteries and I'll tell you, it just fixed me up in a minute! So, please, don't worry about me. I share these thoughts so I can go back and read the blog entries for myself - especially when I've made it over the hill I thought was a mountain. I have days like this one every once in a while and then I gather my thoughts, pick myself up, cancel all the invitations to my pity-party and I get over it. I thank God for being there for me and for ignoring all the "not so nice" things I sometimes say to Him. I came home so excited to use my new toy (like the mom with the screaming kids) but I recorded my Alliah singing a new song she learned in music class. It took less than 10 minutes to open the package, put in the batteries, press the record button and upload the video here. I'll be posting more videos for sure, so keep reading!
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